Like most of us, when I was younger, I was encouraged to make a ‘life route map.’ This was a path that I was to follow, which would take me into a career, find me a wife, produce 2.4 children, buy me a house, and ease me into my retirement, where my golden pension would help me live happily ever after.
Well, either my planning was no good, or I was useless at map reading! I am currently 56, haven’t worked for nearly 6 years, and am definitely not looking at a golden pension. My path started off quite well, and I fell into a career, but that is where it all started to go wrong. It wasn’t the right one! It then felt like I had totally lost my way, no map, no compass and no road either.
But things started to happen for me and opportunities arose. It felt very strange. I was used to living the ‘safe’ life, and driving in the middle lane, but I was then forced to step outside my comfort zone, and start making decisions.’What if’ started to creep into my thinking, and self doubt started dominating.
We all know that things can’t last, and sure enough,nature intervened. This was another instance where my life had taken a direction, that most definitely was not in my plan.” Mr Lewis, you are dying” didn’t appear in my script anywhere, certainly not at the age of 50. It seemed like I had been relieved of decision making duties temporarily, and nature was going to take over.I was looking forward to a break, but not quite in that way!
Nature picked me up and bounced me around a bit, and left me blindfolded in a place I couldn’t recognise. Where do I go from here? My health was poor, my confidence had gone, what did I have to offer? The decision making power had been taken away by nature, and I could barely choose what I wanted for lunch!
The one thing I could decide was that I needed help. That proved to be another life changing decision, although it didn’t feel like it at the time! I was volunteering in Macmillan h/o doing data entry.Me, a ‘captain of industry’ only capable of basic office work! Can you imagine how that felt??
One thing led to another and with small steps, so many wonderful things have happened to me, leading to creating this blog. So many exciting things, that wouldn’t have happened in my previous life.My confidence is returning, and with it, come the opportunities, thus the choice process, is required.
Now it feels entirely different.I am unable to work, so am not looking for a career. Just a way to use my time most effectively, and doing something I enjoy.I have no personal fear after this experience, which gives me the freedom to try new things. What is the worst that can happen if things don’t work out? Exactly!
I really do appreciate, that living life in the way that I have, is not everyone’s ideal. After all, that is what makes life so interesting.However I can say that since my illness, I was forced to adapt things in my life, that wouldn’t necessarily have been my choice, and some exciting things came around because of it. Not all change is bad, and we evolve because of it. Sometimes it is by our choice and sometimes it isn’t
Although I am at this point because of nature, I really have a feeling of ‘freedom’ about certain aspects in my life. Sometimes it can feel right to ‘take a chance!’
The above post is a major milestone for me, it is in fact my 100th, since I started writing, back in February. I would like to take this opportunity of thanking all my readers for your continued support. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and emotions, and also for sharing this blog with others.
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