Time is my puzzle. Any answers??

Being busy is what most people would answer if you ask them what they are up to. I secretly think that people would be embarrassed to say that they weren’t busy! They would feel out of step with others. Maybe they would think that they weren’t popular? Why have others got so much to do and I haven’t?? People don’t like to appear different, do they?

Busy is always a great excuse that people use when they don’t really want to do something and find it difficult to say so. Would you like to go to the gym? Would love to, but too busy! People are never too busy to do the things that they really want to do because they make the time! Basically, we find time for things that we enjoy, and don’t for the things we don’t fancy.

Having said the above, I am actually really busy. Not looking for a medal here! My issues are slightly different to the norm, in the fact that a lot of my time is taken up at hospital for one reason or another.
As you may be aware I am involved in numerous projects, involving people affected by cancer, which is work that is incredibly satisfying. I find myself mentally refreshed when I am doing this work, which you would think is a good thing.
However, my treatment is extremely energy sapping and I am advised to rest, as my red cells are low and I am starting to get anaemic. My problem is that I can’t rest. My body will sit in a chair but my mind is still working away like crazy. I ache, and am permanently tired, which are side effects of the GVHD and it’s treatment.I struggle even to dress my self as my joints are very stiff. But sitting in a chair just drives me mad!!! I even have to take a double dose of sleeping pills to make me sleep, or else I would be permanently awake.
So here’s the thing. If I take the doctors advice, which is what I always tell people to do. I wouldn’t be doing the things I do. If I don’t do those things that I enjoy, what is the point of my added life??  I have had so many things taken from my life since my diagnosis, that I must really enjoy the things I have now. At least I can still admire a beautiful woman even if I can’t smell her!!!
Yesterday, I was told that I had changed a young persons life, (positively I think!!!) My goodness, did I have a glow when I was coming home!!! This is why I do my stuff. If I am honest I think it is what keeps me going, as by rights I shouldn’t be here by now.
Everyone tells me that I have to slow down, and I would be crazy not to listen to that advice, but if I take away the things I enjoy, what is left for me??
Does anyone have any wise words of experience ??


  1. I think a balance is the answer – do enough to keep yourself happy, but not too much that you completely exhaust yourself. Perhaps less movement and more things online like your blog would keep you active but not physically? Love reading your blog – it’s so inspiring! 🙂

  2. I totally agree with you Roz. It’s hard to take a step back when you’re such a vibrant, active person with a busy mind so it’s totally understandable that you’ll find it hard. Short sessions of gentle exercise like a little walk as far as is manageable would be good if you can do that and would help tire you out a bit. Put an audio book on your headphones to focus your mind if you think that would help and strange as it might seem, a bit of mindful meditation can be a very good way of helping to focus and relax your mind. You might find this link helpful: http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/jan/22/how-to-meditate-mark-vernon

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